Steady as it goes

Steady as it goes. This phrase popped into my head and keeps going round and round. Like it wants me to notice it, grasp it. I couldn't help but search it out.
Steady.

What does this mean... I don't know. But I think Jesus is teaching it to my heart a little at a time.

I looked up the definition of "steady". The meanings surprised me, at how clearly it is described.
-- Firmly fixed, supported, or balanced; not shaking or moving.

Firmly fixed, on Jesus.
Supported, by Jesus.
Balanced, through Jesus.

Not shaking or moving, because my feet are firmly planted on the Rock.

It's not a steady life or appearance or steady job or steady in the physical, natural sense.
What He's getting at in me is a steady heart.

"His heart is *steady; he will not be afraid, until he looks in triumph on his adversaries." 
-Psalm 112:8 (ESV)

Other versions use other words, but they all tie back to the meaning of steady. 
*Confident

*Fearless

*Secure

*Upheld

*Established

*Assured

*Firm

Lord Jesus, I want a steady heart!

Keeping my gaze firmly fixed on Jesus, unwavering, it is then it shall be steady.

And a steady heart, is a heart at rest. Tying back to my previous blog post, I cannot do it myself. I cannot muster up the courage to be all those definitions of what steady is. I am the opposite inside. I am afraid, I am blown to and fro with the waves, I am insecure, doubtful, weak, full of fear. 

If someone were to look into my heart and life right now, and describe it to you, not in a million words would they use the word steady.

Ask my family, my close friends... I am a wreck, tossed by each whim. I say things I shouldn't, think things I shouldn't, find joy in wrongdoing, entertain fear of the future. I don't have a very balanced life, certainly not consistent.

I'm not the steady person. And on my own, I never can be.

Only Jesus can steady my heart upon Him. 
And nothing else. So many other voices call out to me, fantasize me, taunt me.
But they do not satisfy. They are only loud, and restless and fearful. 

Only Jesus. Only Jesus can steady my heart.
Because He will satisfy me.

"Surely God is my salvation; I will trust and not be afraid. The LORD, the LORD himself, is my strength and my defense; he has become my salvation." -Isaiah 12:2

And when I come to the place of gazing upon Him, He steadies myself as I rest in Him, trust Him. When all I'm concerned about is Him, He'll take care of the rest.

...The rest. What's the rest of the phrase? Steady as it goes.

As what goes? Life. Life keeps going. I can rest and stop and wish life would stop and slow down (how many times in my day do I just want life to slow down, let me grasp it).

But resting in God and trusting and a steady heart... all that doesn't mean life will slow.

No, life goes on. Life a river rushing, always running, never stopping. When I try to swim against the current it only wears me down, returns me to the place of restlessness. I am no longer steady, at rest in my heart. I am striving on my own. I reach and try to hold onto the water as it rushes by me, around me, through me. I try to capture the droplets, but in vain.

Life goes on.
And oh, how well I know this. Change, and so little time, and finding purpose and.... how fast I beginning to worry about life.

I'm the one called to a steady heart. Not to try to steady life. 

He'll lead, I'll follow.

And when I do, oh how sweet the water as it carries me. And I drink of the River of Life: Jesus.

Steady my heart, Jesus, upon you alone. So that I can say as the Psalmist:

"God, my heart is steady. I will sing and praise you with all my being." (Psalm 108:1)

Steady as it goes.

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Change, life, and my brain unwinding

So much in life has been changing. The past year has been full of change.

From one thing to the next.
Some change is harder than other, while some is gladly welcomed.

Sometimes change means growing, though the goodbyes involved can be hard.

Learning to accept. Therein lies the peace.

"In acceptance lieth peace."

I'm a pretty slow learner of this. 

But grateful for a Father who is full of grace.

But accepting what? Change? Yes, but not just the physical.

Accepting the emotions, the waves, myself, my way of thinking...

Through this season, though it can be hard, I've been learning that God is all about grace. He's all about love. He's all about just taking pleasure in us. 

He's not out to get us, to beat us into perfection, to thump us with the Bible.

He's there with open,  loving arms, to pick us up and dust us off when we make mistakes. 

To hold us when we weep, when we laugh, when we walk through life. 

He's there for me, not against me.

But here's the catch, the newbie for me:

He's always for me. Always, as in, not just when I do right, when I do good, when I'm seeking Him.

This life's a journey, and He's there in the ups and downs, mountains and valleys.

My light-bulb moments and my dark moments.

Those moments of doubt? Yes, He's there. 

And He's not judging me, He's actually holding me, keeping me, loving me.

Sunday it was said this way, and it was as if I were the only one in the room at this moment,

"It's okay to not be okay. But its not okay to stay that way."

Bing! It's okay! But don't stay there forever.

He cries when I cry.

How profound.

A heart of wandering isn't wrong. Questions about life, about truth, about God Himself aren't wrong.

Because He created us to ask, seek. He lets us find Him and rest.

He's holding me, and there's nothing I can do to change that

Can a baby hold itself? Neither can I. No matter what I do, I cannot keep myself in Him.

But He is. He's doing all the work.

And all I have to really do is rest.

And one more thing, He's not out to make all Christians the same!
He's not wanting us to all fit into a box, to all do the same thing, act the same way,
talk the same way, dress the same way, believe the same way....
He created each individual so very different from the rest, on purpose.
Look around, the Creator loves creativity. It's so obvious.
Let's learn to embrace it, embrace ourselves, embrace the diversity in others.
Let's not conform to each other, but each individual conform Himself to Jesus.

There's no formula.

I hope you can articulate a little bit of my scattered thoughts here.

And that you can take away some encouragement.

It helps to have a place to just dump thoughts out, 

and maybe sort them out.

Everyone has such a beautiful mind and soul and heart. 

I pray that we each learn to love one another for who each individual is, 

and all our unique differences.

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