Monday, October 22, 2012

When we stumble and fall.

I am so thankful for life.
So thankful that I can breath.
I'm so thankful that I can trust and rest.
Because when I (or try to) hold life in my own hands,
it falls apart. Makes a mess.
And every time I realize what I've done, even when I think it's too late,
and I offer that mess up to Jesus with open hands,
He is so willing to even take it and make it into something beautiful for His glory.
Things look messy for me, because self seeks that glory due to Him for itself.
Because "I" want to be known.
"I" want to be appreciated. And "I" want life to evolve around "me".
That, my friend, is ugly. That's were it turns to messy.
And that is were I find myself way to often.
But you know what?
That's the mess that Jesus has promised to take.
So that we don't have to deal with it any more.
He's willing to get in and dirty. For me.
But not for my glory. But for His glory.
And I dare not take that glory away from Him.
It is a fearful thing to take the glory due to God. It's His glory.
All that "beauty from ashes" in our lives that we sing about,
That's HIS glory.
So many times in my spiritual walk I fall, drop to the ground, roll in the mud for a while.
And when I cry for help He always reaches out and puts me on my feet again.
But very often, I forget to cry out, not only to be placed on my feet, but to be washed clean again.
I justify the fact that I don't need to be some priestly-white-washed christian.
And Oh. It can be worse then falling.
Worse then wallowing in the mud of concious sins.
The devil comes at my dirty mind.
And he stirs it up. Makes it cloudy.
And confusion sets in.
And I start to ask. And to doubt.
"Why did You place me here?" "Where do I go?"
"Am I being deceived?"
It's a scary place to be when we don't desire to be washed.
Washed by the Word.
Cry out to be washed by the word. Immerse yourself in scripture.
Even when it feels that there is a brick wall between you and Jesus.
Believe me, I've felt that and been there.
But never stop praying.
Ask Jesus to give you the desire for Him, for prayer and a love for the word.
And remember all those tmes just like this in the past.
I remember many struggles and trials in my life that I have gone through.
Times that I have given over to Him and He's turned it into glory for the Father. 

And I see His indiscribable mercy.
The mercy of God.
And every time I forget, and even conciously move away from Him,
 He is and always has been, and always will be
"Even when we are faithless,
He remains faithful,
For He cannot lie."
And you know, remembering those times of His faithfulness,
it enourages me in this season.
To wake up from my stupor.
To cry out for guidance and walk in His grace He's given, believing and trusting in it.
So once again I offer this broken, dirty, messy life to Him.
To find some way of getting more glory for Him.
And I choose to rest in that knowledge.
The Lord has been bringing this verse to mind a lot lately,
and it is just what I want to do...
"In repentance and rest is your salvation.
In quietness and trust is your strength."
"God is most glorified in us when we are most satified in Him."
(John Piper)
Therefore I can face whatever comes, because I know He lives.
And it's Him that driving this ship.
I know that there are many more falls, more wanderings, and more trippings up ahead...
But I choose now to keep my eyes on the Prize.
And hold on.

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